Leglos haz da ring
by iRanNoodle
Summary: pl pl p z red mah story. legos is da best hero evar. frodo is a wimp. red red red redred ! tel me who shud be da gf of legos ? i wana noe. al movi stuf. no buk. edit: leglos is blud suker nowz! edit tu: leglos wanz EOMER HED ON A PIK!1111111 edit da triii: gitly girly therwin hichez a ride wit da leglos. ye!11111!
1. Book 1: Chapter 1

_AU I LUV DA HOVIT ND LOTR. I NEDD TO MAKE A FF CUS I 33_

_ENGOY_

_LEGOLES STORYYYYYEAHHHHH!_

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_CH 1_

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legoli wass wlkin to da fpckin pub. he sw a hore nd stol it. he montd the hore nd wennt to da focking pub agaiinn cus he liek da beer

fuk u legolad ! i want my dan hors bak ! sad teh oter dud. (he ond da hore)

MOTERFUCKAAHHHH i do it fpr ribontel. sed legoas

legoas gicve da finge to da old hore man nd go bye bye. omgomgong ledfn iz a fuzinn hotay ! his dam blndie hair go evryhere nd elv ladyes say yeah! u so hoooootttt legosl waz go t ridenbel cus he want sav da fockin day his dada hed da neus nd sad to legodd

_u ned togp son cus da ring is baddd. k ?_

_yeah dad. i go now._

_they hugd._

_dad sed bey nd gsp in teror whe legoles amlsot hit by orc erro. orc ded naw._

MUTHAFOCKEWRS HERE I FOCKID CO ME! legoosd hors ded nd he nede neu hore. dat why he go stol from da dud he flip his finer of.

her i am. sed legold. he mad it to rbonfel ! elrnd soooo hapyyyyyyyyyyyyy. gmli sed he hte deh elhhhhs but ddah legjei luk hott.

gmi is gayyuy and i not. legolis bsh his lazes at da elf ladys. he go by.

legoli go da tabl nd sit don near aragn. dey tel old frt stores. whhy da evl wring is on da stony tang ? ho dese smll ppl ? argon sed tey hobitz.

hobits? what da fok. sed legols

blk har hoit com to da stone too drop da ring of EVILLL. dat ring nedz to go mtn dum.

U MOTHERFUCKARS GET YO FOKIN SETS NAWWWWWWWWWW shawt gandlf. IF WE NO GO MTN DUM DEN WE SHAL NOT DEFET DA DRK LAD.

k sed evryun

dey al kait. legoli hore winy cus legoli stoopid. no go hore stabl sed legoli.

hors poopie.

everyun luk at da hottie. (yeh dat blonde legalsi)

sosie peeps. pec ot bros. sed leglosd.

servnt scop poopie away

duds! sed dat elfi riivendel lord. we mus detry da ring. on of u must go!

i wil go sed drk hbit.

nooooo sed legoli. i ned to be da hero.

k. sed hhbit.

legi grb da ring.

he go on his poopie hore and hed to da mtns cus he ned to destyo da ring.

everyun star at elff hot dud as he go to gatos and lef.

wen legos go to da fores he see da orcies.

DIEEEE YOU STINKEH DED THINGS THAT WERE MY FRNDS ONCE ! sed legos

LEGOS SLASH/

LOEGOS HIT

LOEOGOS kill kill kill kill jil all de orcies.

orc boodi all ovah da floor

legoli go to da rivr.

legoli almos dron but da elff smrt. he strng tooooo.

DIE DIE DIE DIE he des to da birdies. he hungreh naw.

arow hit al de brdie. he sel de rest ti nice pehsent fam. FAM hav bebe nd dad ndd moma. 3 3 3

now legoes hhax moneh.

he wlk to da mtns

wlk is boring

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legolis see mai elf ldies. dat nigjt many babes wer mad.

!

loegles go. he red da

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BOOK ! he gsped. da book waz gret.

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LWGOES NEXT DAY MET MOR LEDIE. MANY BABES MAD DA NIHT

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lEGOLA GO SEE DA MTNS.

DAMN HE SED. THS IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

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walk.

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thr no long luk. redi for pubish.

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REVIW IF YOU LIEK MAH DTORY. I WANA WRITE A SERIE OF LEFLES BE DA ONLY HERO. CHTPA 2 CUMIN UP SOON.


	2. Book 1: Chapter 2

CH 2

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AU: H8trs get da fuuuu outa mah stori.

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leglos is badass. he hot. he awsum. he da shot aro to deh orcis wit da sped ! he da prince of mirkwud.

omgomgog legoles go to da mtns of ice cus he wlk liek a OP (AN: if u dunt no hat a OP es get da fud outa here) he walk to da mtns nd ned to climb cuus da bad birdies watchin he.

legoles awsum climber. he da best. elfies dunt frez to x_x on icy wheter. he climb nd climb and clibm !

wen he resh to da top of da mtn he her da voc. dem voc of dat whit berd dud in da tower. badn dued (not gandlef u werd ppl)

bad dued go say vry bad words ad ice fel on legoil.

LEGOSDES STRONG. ICE NUTHIN. he brok free

he wlkin to da cave thingy cus open lands bad for lefogfos

cus legos noe da efl lang he sed frend an go insid but kil monste b4 gon to da cave.

cave ded ppl but legos dunt car. HE DA BESTTTTTTT

he wlkim thre de cave and fynd teh rm of ded derf princy dud. hee fuund dah buk (AN: yeh de buk gendef red in da movi)

he red to de end and noe he ned togoto teh oter side

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gobbins bad ppl. leglosd kil da flam monstr dued thingy to.

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legolse lev da cave (AN: gendef didnt di in dis on u mfrs)

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legos go da zzzzzzzzzzzz

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reviw nd hop u liek mah stori


	3. Book 1: Chapter 3

CH. 3

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_AN: HATRS GONA H8 IF YA H8 MMAH STOOROI STOP BEIN MEEN_

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Leglso iz so badas. omgomgomg w/ his blond har nd dos supah green eys. hiss blond hhar iz sooooo looooooooooong. u can put ya hand thru it. he so muskooller cus hhe a princ and noes arshiri nnd figt stuff. (AN: haha finnelly i use da peereeods) da orkies dieieiieieie when legos haz his bow IN FRONT OF HIM !

leos go to da forest cus he ned da treess to hid in. Tho dis forest is deefeererent cus tere are de other elfs. Legols father tel him bout da other elfys outsid da (AN: btw legols horse ded or runn aawa when legoos dus ...ahem... see B4 stuf) ((do ya liek mah linne sstuf?)) keengdum. he walkin and kil da spideys and evil bares.

WHO DA FUK ARE U ? sed da big elv

MMAH NAMME IS DA LEGOSES sed legosloes

DA KEEN ANND KEENG WANNNA SEE YA ! ! ( G)

K sed legos.

legos and da other elv go to da tree keenndum.

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! W8 FER MAH NXT CH !


	4. Book 1: Chapter 4

CHAPTA 4

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AN: THISISHOPE,YOU ARE MAH BUDDEH. EV1NE ELSE IS BADDDDD.I WORKED HARD FO DA SOTRIE!

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Legols go wit da oter elfie dud. He walk thru da forest. Da forest waz scarie.

"OMGOMGOMG ther da...SPIDEYS!" cryd da eldie dud making legos go to da citie FORESTTT.

"NP" sed l;egosd.

legosls tak da bow outa his back and shot da...SPIDEYS! (AN:LEGIOSDL IS SOOOOOOO HOYTTTTTTT OMGOMOOGN)

da speidyes cryd cus legos kild dem ALLLLLLLLLLL,.

(AN: Legos hore is bakkk. forget da ded horse in b4 chpters)

LEGOS SEE ARGROKM!

"wassup." sed legos.

"WHATAATAATTATATATATTATTATTATTATATATATTAA" shoutd Arargon.

"W-A-S-U-O-P!" shouit legoses!

"OH. YO MAH FREND DA ELGOS, PRINCE OF DA MERKWUD."

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dey ran acrox da feild and huged eachother (AN:da forest is now a feild and citie is undergund)

orcie saw da 3 peeps.

ork shot ...

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ARGOTMR..

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NAWWWWWWWWWW

LEGOLOS CRYD...

"FOK U ORCKEISDS!" shutd LEGOs.

Legolos shot da ork. Ork ded naww. (AN: I KILED ARGORM. FOK OFF H8TRS)

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IT IS A SAD DEY FO DA TOO ELFYS.


	5. Book 1: Chapter 5

ch.5

Legols is very sad. Argagon just dyd. He kil da orkies but da orkies still kiled his frend. Wahhhh.

leogs walk wit da oter elfie and go thru da forest.

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more spideys kiled

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argron waz buried.

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THERE IS DA LETER ON ARGON

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.legos red da letter

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GANDLF DED TOO ? OMGOMGOMGOMG

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legos go to da zzzzzzzzzzzz

tommorow he get to da citie.


	6. Book 1: Chapter 6

Ch 6

AN: wtf dese rewvews. I am sobr ty vry much. ppl talking about wha joke ? I tried vry hrd. :'(

Wooooooh ch 6 ! I am hapy sum ppl liek dis story. bk to DA STORY

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Legolsa llookd at da letr agayn.

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_deerer legolslegols_

_da oriies got to da mtns. idk if ya went there but gandlf Ned go to da citie wit wite walz. (AN: I forget da citi n 3rd movi) Gandal ded. Baaaaaloooor kild him. DDont wory. He will com bak wit mohr pwrs and whit harrr._

_elelorond_

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Leglos not hapy. He smash pper

He walk wit da otr elf and FINALI make it to DA citi. It was preti. Glory all blu and whit buldingzin DA treeees. Dam trees so taaaaaaaaal. Leglos wana met da preti elf ledies and maibee spend a nite wit dem Leglos is so hot and dey will want him. Married or not.

Leglos ty da elfi did rite next to him. Ten he go to met da qween nd keeng.

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.stars soooo long. Walk wlk wlk

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Leglos get to da top.

DA elf qween so hot. Leglos finkin about spending a nite wit her. Galdryell start to blushz.

She thinks I hot ? Leglos thinks.

Evr1 not leglos leave. sed elf qween

Evr1 did.

Dey start to kiss.

Took of al clofs.

Puts ding in her dong.

Oooh scream qwen.

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Evr1 cum bak to da room. Keen supah angri cus Leglos bang his wif

Kk Leglos u haz da ring. Where is evr1 ? sed keen.

I came by myself. Tho...Aragrn and Gandlf ded. sed Leglos.

dammit sed keen.

u may rest here fo 2 nite sed keen.

k sed Leglos.

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Leglos rest fo da nite.


	7. Book 1: Chapter 7

Ch 7.

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AN: cus aragrn ded da next ch will be bout DA future of DA white city wit whit walls in DA 3rd movi.

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Leglos waky up to find dagr hiz throht. he immedly grab his bow and shoot da bad asasasasain. Asasasasin screm cus he haz a aro in his legy. Leglos puls da cloke off da asasasasin and go in to ask sum kwestshuns

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Who da fok are u ? sed Legloses

I am da assasin dat shud have kild ya.

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Duhh. sed leglos. he rold his eies. Who sentteeded ya ?

Da keen. No lieky dat u bang hiz wifey. Supah madzz. sed asasasassin.

Ohh. sed u betcha go n leev da citi or tel da keen u fail.

I tink Ieev da citi cus keen will cut mah throht. sed asasasasin.

I betcha see da keen sed leglos.

Bye bye. sed asasasin.

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	8. Book 1: Chapter 8

Ch 8

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Lrg go go tlk to da keen. Okie dokie he bang his wife. What was hr name agane? aniways he wlk to da thrne room.

Open seseseame! da bigg doorz open.

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Insidey was da keen and kween. Da kween weenk leglos.

Da keen was like WTF U SHUD B DED.

Leglosss give him da finger.

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DA very joffry liek keentink da leglos spat n hiz fayc. (AN: Hha GOT rfrnc)

have diz stoopid elfie get arested!

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da gards start grabs him but leglos supah man.

he pwnd al duds.

Sosie ppl (AN:btw sosie meens sory in leglos speek) ima go. I haz DA riiiiing amd u nedz let me go. showtd Leglos.

Fine spat DA keen. I dont wana see yo fayc again tho.

cant. promic. leglos sed and wlk out.

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Bye bye citi but keen so meen.


	9. Book 1: Chapter 9

Ch 9

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Leglos wlkin on foot now. Dey stoopid elfys shot hiz hore wen he tryd to leev.

Fok dey stouououououououpid elvfies. Leglos showtd. Naw he Ned to steel anuffer 1. .

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ORKIES

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.is that dat bblak hahar hobit orkies ?Wtf he do in wit DA orkies ?

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Dat blak har hobit haz smiley.

HE MUST BE EVIL!

Find da leglos. He haz DA ring !l! sed naw evil hobit.

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Leglos go round them and runs


	10. Book 1: Chapter 10

Ch 10

AN: IMA so happie sum1 made omaccu for maah. Readz in comentz.

* * *

Leglos wlkin thru da plains.

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He eat n sleep

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.wlk wlk

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HORSIES!


	11. Book 1: Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer: **_This is a terrible fan fiction. Obviously, I am not Tolkien. I don't own the characters no matter how OOC they were.

_Author's Note: So sorry to pull your heartstrings... this was a trollfic. It was an experiment, and I found if you write a good story, you will get less reviews than someone who wrote a terrible one. Ever heard of Rebecca Black ? Same phenomena. Comments were hilarious by the way. AlexAmericus made a commentary of this story, so check that out._

* * *

Chapter 11: Kill the Wabbit

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Legolas was running in the plains of Rohan. The elf was not the brightest crayon in the box, and yet somehow he kept the ring and survived for a long time. Perhaps, the elf of Mirkwood was a lunatic. No, rather he fell into the deep chasm of lunacy a very long time ago, and brought the fellowship down with him. In this sad and diseased alternate universe, there was no Fellowship of the ring, and the future King of Gondor was dead. Middle Earth was in pieces, and it was a peculiar elf at the center of this début.

The Riders of Rohan were very near, and the very stupid elf was not careful. The scouts easily spot the elf a day earlier. Riding on ahead, they would figure out why he was alone, and what made him to their lands of all places.

"Who goes there?" hollered Éomer.

Legolas stopped. The Rohirrim encircled him.

"My name is Legolas." slurred Legolas. He was drinking some concoction that made him delirious such as a man who drank too much rum.

"You are a little far from home, nay ?" Éomer inquired. The Rohirrim laughed. Some whistled at the elf under influence.

"Yes siree." Legolas collapsed.

"My best shot, this elf entered our lands under treason. End him." Éomer turned towards a weathered archer.

"What...?" Legolas panicked.

The archer took his arrow, and placed it in his bow. He pulled back on the bow and hit home.

Legolas coughed blood all over himself. He looked down to his breast, noting his heart pierced. So much pain and so much blood...

"Goodbye daddy..." Legolas used his last breath.

Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood was dead.

Something caught the eye of Éomer. He saw something glinting within the bracer of the deceased elf. He got off his horse and walked to Legolas's body. Within the bracer was the ring.

The ring spoke to Éomer, and soon it would be in the hands of Sauron. All is lost.

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The End

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Gawd, that was horrible. Glad that is over. I am going back to my Harry Potter fanfic now...


	12. Bonus: Transition

Extra:

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"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf held the great beast at bay. He stabbed his stave into the ground.

Unfortunately, the Balrog decided to kill Gandalf and snack on Aragorn. Only a certain blonde elf, and very stupid at that, was able to carry the ring. Too bad the elf dropped the ring into the chasm.

"Oh...we're screwed." Legolas (aka Leglos) cursed in Sindarin.

* * *

That fanfic of my fanfic was funny. Decided to add that. If you want to see the original comment, it is under the guest posting by _Garlic and Bread_.


	13. Book 2: Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Do I really need to do this? It's on this website for a reason. In future chapters, there will be no disclaimer since it is already implied._

_Author's Note: I am continuing the series where Legolas is sent back to Middle Earth to retrieve the ring, and will continue on his journey I will not shy away from the use of OOC, bad story writing, noncanonical additions, and complete ignorance of Tolkien's universe. The story has fallen too far into the chasm, but it's totally not cool for it to just sit. Sorry, but not so sorry. We shall see... *cold chuckle and rubs hands in anticipation*_

* * *

Chapter 12: An Atypical Hangover

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He flickered his eyes open. Bright lights and fog dotted his vision, until it cleared up. Where was he? It was like standing in a place where the color has gone from the world, and all the plains were endlessly white, but not of snow or coldness. The sky was cloudy, and fog had covered every inch of the land. In the distance, he saw the dancing of swarming white orbs. He did not feel the white grass nor the fog envelop him. How did he wake up in a place like this?

It then hit him, and he relived his death- supposedly. The arrows notched towards him, and the Rohirrim laughing at his state. If only he did not take the extra bottle from the waitress- the spirits was specially imported from the dwarves and their craftsmanship that could even make an elf drunk. He won't lie, he was drunk throughout the entire journey from Rivendell to the plains of Rohan. The oily aftertaste was still on his tongue. If he died, then why did he still taste, or see? The hangover was not the only cause for his headache. Legolas groaned at the throbbing pain in his head and clutched at his hair in hopes that the pain would lessen. Someone must have carried him to this strange and distant land, or he is indeed dead in a place not discussed in the stories of old.

Violet, bright orbs suddenly swarmed in circles in front of Legolas. A visage of some humanoid had appeared through the center of the dancing orbs. It was as if the orbs were like fairies in a fairy circle. The apparition turned into the embodiment of very beautiful curves and red robes. It was a tall woman. A human, but the woman had walked tall and powerful as if she was an enchantress. She looked human, but she carried a graceful appearance as an immortal elf would. Her black curls curtained her hair and was complimenting to her heart-shaped face. She wore a golden circlet and in the middle was a giant red gemstone that emblazoned with red light.

"..Who are you?" Legolas forced himself to speak in his native tongue. While he could just stare at the woman's form, but he had another matter to attend to.

"I have many names and a variety of followers. Your world knows none of me. I am the goddess, Kiara." The woman smiled. Apparently, she knew his elvish tongue. "You did die, Legolas. I brought you back because you must complete a task, or Middle Earth will be shackled by Sauron. He cannot win this fight."

"The ring." Legolas muttered.

"Yes, you must retrieve the ring from Éomer, the one who slain you. Then, you must continue on your journey to the fires of Mount Doom and cast it into the flames. The great evil cannot be."

"Very well." Legolas replied." But, how do you know if I will succeed when I failed in my first chance?"

"You will be prepared. Sleep now, for you will wake in the plains of the Rohan." Kiara's circlet had gleamed even brighter than before.

Suddenly, Legolas could not bear to hold his own weight, nor his eyes. He fell into oblivion.

* * *

_Author's Note: Too many Mary Sues, and not enough Gary Stus in the Middle Earth universe. Let's add one, _okie dokie_? Sorry, Tolkein, I know you are rolling in your grave right now. _


	14. Book 2: Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Don't worry, I have plans up my sleeves. Stick around if you dare. I am playing a game with no rules._

Chapter 13: Intoxication

No misty weirdness, nor that crazy goddess or the headache. Legolas felt fresh and new, and just... different.

He was not under a syndrome of beer goggles for the first time since many moons ago. There was no urge to intoxicate himself. How many maids did he knock up already as a drunk? Too many to count. He looked at his hands, trembling at this new discovery. It is a wonder his father did not disown him already. The great elven king, with a son stuck in the teenage stage of his life. Legolas could introspect on his life, seeing how lame it was. How supposedly his reputation was not heard of? It should have been brought to the ears of at least Rivendell. Why did they entrust him with his ring? He was clearly drunk! Finally sober, he questioned the great leaders of Middle Earth. They were supposed to stop the Great Eye? Great work!

He was thrown into the fields, and during night at that! His equipment is long gone. Those cheesy bastards, horsemen blokes! How dare they treat an intoxicated elf like scum! He will get that ring back one way or the other. Éomer would pay with his life, and Legolas would personally let the arrow sink into his flabby chest, just as the arrogant prick had with his trusty archer. Pfft!

Purpose.

He had to do the goddess's wishes or he shall lose his youthfulness and become some ghostly creature. No thanks! He's an elf, not some petty human, or an unlucky Aragorn. Speaking of that Númenor -Aragorn... He's in a better place now. What a waste of great potential. He could have united Middle Earth and become one of the greatest kings Gondor has ever seen, but no, he just had to die right in front of Legolas. Legolas felt scammed, even if he feels like death doesn't suit his 'handsomeness', Aragorn was the more obvious candidate. Well, as the mortals say, "Life isn't simply fair."

He stood up and realized the arrow was still submerged into his chest. Weird. It doesn't even hurt. Legolas pulled out the arrow from his chest, by first snapping the arrow head out, then sliding it out of his wound. It _still_ didn't hurt, which made little sense. Elves still feel pain and die-even if they can linger for eternity if careful.

The wound closed up! What?

Legolas was agaping at the wound. This...this..defies the laws of the living! What did this goddess do to him? He felt thirsty. Very thirsty. The crimson, velvety, sloshy liquid was begging for him to become one. He desired-no, he absolutely and irrefutably needed this liquid to function.

He lingered. Walking a many far, until he reached a forest. Perhaps this drink shall be found there. He couldn't function without it. He was in love, or he would perish. Where is this drink? So delightful, relishing, satisfying, erotic. _Erotic? _Legolas had a brief lapse in questioning his cognition, before the desire had once again consumed his thoughts. The feral animal came out to play. He smelled it. Many locations were hiding this liquid. He followed the lingering smell like flies to light. He needed it. He would revere it. Worship it. It had to be one with him, or he would die. _Death_ would be a welcome sight if he could not find it.

There upon him was a well of this liquid. It was so beautiful. He was the cat and the reservoir was the mice. It was all his or the taking, and he would grasp for it for all his life-or-whatever-state-he-is-in. Definitely better than bedding the prettiest elven maiden in all of Middle Earth.

He plunged.


	15. Book 2: Chapter 3

Author's Note: Yes, yes, I pulled a Edward on you guys. Once the pieces are set up, you can see the aftermath. Hahahahaha!

Chapter 14: Got a Stag?

It was stiff as an oak plank, and cold as the relentless ocean.

Legolas had awaken to something unexpected. Lifeless. So beautiful, and completely marred; blood everywhere, and it was all he had known in his hunger. In all its glory, the majestic white stag had fallen to the great abomination. _He_ was an abomination.

There were no stories of such a creature that could satiate its hunger on solely blood, but Legolas was the exception. It infuriated him, that the price of his return to Middle Earth was as a creature of blood and sadistic desires. No, it not only infuriated the blonde elf, but also caused a new emotion.

Fear.

Legolas was drunk for a reason; he wanted to stay drunk to baggage away his fear, and his introspection of what his duties as a prince became. He was a fool, and made it worse by being drunk. Once too late, he already had the addiction. Blood was his new infatuation, and he would die if not replenished.

What had he become?

Legolas may have lived for centuries, but he was clearly no better than an elf or man. If this was a curse, he deserved it. He would pay for his past transgressions by saving Middle Earth. The cost would be isolation for eternity. Would he feel more strongly about consuming the blood of Goblins? Humans? Elves?

Who was he now?

The Goddess stated he would be with weapons to retrieve and destroy the ring; what other abilities and curses did he have- except for blood-lust and regeneration? He would find his boundaries in due time, whilst saving the people he had already failed numerous times.

When would he next hunger?

Legolas had moved aside the half-eaten stag, and gotten up. He had spawned within the fields of Rohan and ended up in woodlands. He felt no hunger, which was confusing for an elf or man needed meals thrice a day. He would get used to this new biological clock. It was close to sunrise, and soon Legolas could walk in the daylight once again. It was odd; he felt completely accustomed to the darkness, and seen more mightier than with his elvish eyes. As a a new type of species, it was apparent he now could add night-vision to his odd list of abilities. It was like he was a very powerful Orc, but not bound by the Dark King.

The sun had started to rise, and Legolas felt ever weaker. It alarmed him greatly. Perhaps he cannot bask in the sunlight as once of the living. It would be sensible to be a creature of the night. Legolas quickly put his cloak on, and searched for a cavern.

First light had set.

Legolas could walk in the light, and feel fine-only with a cloak. If the light skimmed upon his hands, then he would feel immense pain. The sun was scalding him as if his hands were submerged within very hot water.

He was burning.

Legolas felt very hot within his cloak, but it kept him alive. He had been walking for a great distance, and had rested by a lake shrouded by trees. It was all shadow, and not a speck of sun hit the blonde-elf. He peered into the lake, and washed all the blood that had penetrated him. His clothes were more ruined than ever. Fit for a warrior, and especially an abomination. A monster.

His reflection had changed.

His hair and face were the same, except for his eyes. They were not a proud emerald, but a deep onyx. His skin, if already pale, was even more. The points on his ears were no more. He looked like a peredhel with the uncharacteristic ears and eyes too dark. The eyes belonged to the shadows of Mordor.

Legolas found a clearing, and it clearly led back to the plains. He needed to find the city, and kill Éomer. Hopefully, in the reverse order. He walked, shrouded within thick, wet-now drying cloth and under the unknown bounds of his new needs. When would he need his next meal? Can he simply store blood within a canteen? Next meal, he shall see. Hopefully, the Goddess knew what she was doing, for Legolas was lost. His mind blurred as he trudged in his journey, looking for signs of the bastards and their city. The ring was his duty, and he didn't need a jackass like Éomer messing up his plans. Aragorn had to die for a reason.

They would pay.


	16. Book 2: Chapter 4

Chapter 15: My Destiny

The scarlet perfume had coveted his senses.

Legolas had been walking in the plains for days. He failed to find the city, for his memories were always cloudy. As a predator of night, he traveled at night. He could see well, but as it was far different than as his days of the wood, he was clueless on where he would go.

This thick blanket of the succinct wine enriched his senses, and he stalked it, curious, on why this particular scent was thicker than usual. There, upon a clearing of trees, was where the answer lies. Legolas flocked to the site immediately.

Many corpses, orc and human alike had littered all over the field. The tide of the battle favored for the Humans, and yet the winning side lost its leader. Intuition was the knife in the dark, and he jab at the thick ebony air for a while, before he could see the truth. There was a cry in the dark. It was not of grief, but pure unadulterated pain. He could not keep away, and followed the holler. He maintained his self control to only follow, not hunt for the slowly dying creature. Ah, the heartbeat was his light, and he the moth that flocked to it.

"Please.." The creature was undeniably human.

"Yes?" Legolas kept a distance, or his blood-lust would consume him, again.

"Kill me!" The voice was desperate.

"Oh, I will. However, I need something from you in return." Legolas's baritone voice rang out. The dying man cowered.

"Please... ask quickly, sire. The..p-pain is un-bb-bearable." So, he was choking on his own blood.

"Where is," Legolas crouched over the man's dying form. Cerulean stared into Coal. "Éomer!" Legolas snarled at the fool's name while fisting the man's tunic.

"In the.. city. The King b-banished him, but h-he lingers in the taverns, p-p-plotting his move."

Legolas let go of the man's drenched tunic.

"Thank You."

Legolas barred his teeth. He was a creature of the night, and denying himself a snack-that was nearly impossible. He lunged at the jugular vein. A squeak left the man's lips before scarlet had turned to eternal sleep. He was dead, sparred of the agony of his dismembered arm.

Legolas wiped his mouth on his bracer, and started trudging forward to the great city of these barbaric plains.

Their King had gone mad, to put aside his nephew, but Legolas did not care for those matters. That damn goddess may have him lingering in eternity of neither living nor dead, but Legolas would not simply follow all the whims of her. He was back in Middle Earth, and his fate was his to decide. Destroying the ring was a goal to wipe his name of tarnish. Now free from the chains of alcohol, he was now under the chains as a monster. He made his decision, picking the lesser of two evils, one where he had a sharp mind.

"Éomer is mine!" He roared.

Legolas's eyes turned into a deep shade of crimson. Pure hatred, and he knew how to end the agony of days sharpening that knife. No, this was no man. He deserved two picks by his neck. It would be a very slow, agonizing death. The ring would would be his to destroy.

After that ring, Legolas would chart his own destiny. _His fate._


	17. Book 2: Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I look at the traffic statistics of this story, and it seems 90% never make it pass the first chapter... Trololololol!_

Chapter 16: They Came From The Earth

The grasslands were everlasting, and game was more precious than ever. Only motivation would be the sole reason of survival in the brutal landscape. Legolas did not need nutrition as any elf, human or dwarf. He was a seeker of blood; supernatural.

Slowly, he understand and attuned to his new-found skills and abilities. He had no use to call himself a horse-thief. He could outrun the wildest of game, and his endurance was more than of his days when he was an elf. He covered distances twice than of an able-bodied man, but had to keep pace with finding food.

Legolas found that storage of blood was only a pipe-dream, and rotted blood was no thing of delight. He felt more hunger when he consumed stale blood. He disliked the overwhelming smell of metal and something akin to spoiled fish. Only fresh blood would do, which slowed him down to the pace of an unfit man.

Trudging through the wild alone, he could introspect.

A lot.

During the lessons of Rohirrim, Legolas was intoxicated from the finest elvish wine. His teacher held low standards, and 'pretended' Legolas learned with material well as any respectable prince would.

How very wrong his teacher's methods were. Now, Legolas suffered the actions of his spoiled behavior, and the irresponsible actions of his circle.

How again, did Rivendell trust a slurring elf to destroy the ring?

_Snap._

Legolas etched his head towards the sound. He saw grey-toned humanoids in many numbers. We're these of the elves from the deep darkness in Underdark? What were they doing, trespassing in the lands on the sun elves?

They were coming in the direction of Legolas. He had to hide, and find out who these humanoids were.

"I bet they are delicious too." Legolas licked his lips.

He was in the middle of the hills, and he had little of his surroundings to work as camouflage. There were only two boulders near him, but not enough to hide from a large army. Did they have scouts?

Then, he remembered the material of his cloak. It was elvish, even if it was scummy with his previous traveling and dinners. He could create a cover of fabricated rock, and see through until the army passed.

Then, he would hunt them slowly if attractive as a meal.

Legolas lay next to a boulder, and proceeded to cover his appendages with the thin elvish cloak. The material had taken the appearance of another boulder, and any passerby would have assumed it to be another aspect of the wild hills.

The army had grown near. They were chanting loudly, and clanging on their shields with crudely made machetes. These were no men, but Legolas was correct on the assumption they were from the earth.

"High-hoh! High-hoh" They chanted.

The leader of the parade hollered dark words, and Legolas knew immediately where the army came from.

"_Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, __ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum ishi krimpatul."_

Orc have trespassed the Rohirrim hills.


	18. Book 2: Chapter 6

Author's Note: I removed the chapter with the sole poem and integrated it into thus chapter.

* * *

Chapter 17: Set in Stone

* * *

Poke. Poke. Squish. Poke. Squish.

It paws crept near him, and the sound came from its footing in the saturated landscape. No other sound was heard for the wide distance, and even he was no ordinary traveler. The fatigue came crashing upon him when he was so abruptly woken from his slumber. His bones felt as if the marrow was stripped long ago, and the injection of exhaustion was the only thing he knew. His head was swollen with a bitter headache, and his eyes strained to open slightly. The hair he had -coming from the grace of noble blood- was all mangled and mixed with the nasty, liquid-coal brew emitting residues of rot. He felt disgusted; it did not matter.

Legolas fought with his battered body; simple pleading would not do. He did not simply ask his eyes to open, but rather, he _willed_ them to open. It was very painful, but he pried his eyes wide to be greeted by the blinding light. It was already dawn, and the sun basked its scalding rays upon him. His skin did not take very kind to the lack of albedo, and the rays were cooking him from the inside. Oh, it was very painful. It was like a thousand needles were dancing on his skin, and the poison from the bringer of life itself, was eating his tubes alive. His eyes were able to focus. It was very unnatural, as he was no longer the companion of light -only of night now. Once his friend, it was now bitterly a cruel and twisted enemy.

Black blood. It was soaked on the ground, festering his bubbling skin, and in his mane. Bodies were everywhere, and Legolas could see the hacked-off appendages and organs littered across the grass. There were many bodies-thousands- all wasted by he alone.

_My work is complete for the night, and I am, and never will be sorry._

_One monster that took down an army._

_Yet, I am far over from the resolution of my journey._

It was still pestering him. He look at his feet and saw the warm-blood animal. It was filthy, infested with fleas, tweaking its pink worm-tail around, and had patched brown fur. A Rat.

It squeaked at him, and its beady eyes bore intently into his own pair. Legolas used his might and the rat had swung into the air from his forceful kick, slamming into an orc-shield. Crunch. He heard its own filthy blood spouting into the ground-intermixing with the rest of this filth on the field. This desolate place could be compared to the deepest, darkest depths of the Misty Mountains.

The pain still bit hard into him, and he remembered his ragged cloak. It was under him, but he shrouded himself with all his muster from the light of the world. He was no longer one of them; the creatures of the light. The scalding was less intense, but Legolas was still very conscious of it. Now, he had to move his broken body, as he was not completely safe from the sun under the thin veil of his covering.

Now, he had to move his broken body, as he was not completely safe from the sun under the thin veil of his covering. He started with his leg-the one he killed the rat with- then moved to the other leg, then his left hand, then the right hand, then the arms, and eventually he was staggering in the fields. He smelled blood, and not the ugly black blood, but the sweet red from an innocent victim. He had to go to it and heal from the sun. His addiction would save him this time, and it was still better to have this addiction than the one that tarnished his identity.

There his body lay on this boulder. It was a farmer. He must have been kidnapped, and then likely sold into the slave trade. The south of Middle Earth is known for its neutrality with Sauron and dependence on chattel slavery. The orcs must have been unlucky as this seemed to be their only captured victim; perhaps, the others have already fled into the forest. Legolas waited no longer, and feasted upon the freshly-dead body of this unlucky fellow. The left-over blood was captured into his flask. Animal blood tasted horrible after being in the flask for hours on end, but he would try human blood.

Legolas's wounds started to close up, and he felt able to withstand the sun for a couple of more hours. However, soon, he needed to find a cool, shady spot to avoid too much damage. He did not know the extent of his regenerative powers and really did not want to push the limits of his ability. He would experiment, only, after the ring was destroyed, and his reputation scrubbed of much tarnish. He needed redemption first.

Walking over the dead bodies, he knew that there would be many travelers and warriors traveling on this road, and they would wonder about the battle. Only the orcs died, but there were no bodies of the victorious side. Nethertheless, orcish bands this large would never draw upon each other with proper leadership. Sauron controls his forces tenaciously. There had to be some explanation, and Legolas would give them his lament; written upon stone.

And, with this idea in mind, he had taken a very large boulder with his bare hands, and ran off from the battlefield into a nearby secluded patch of forest. He ran far, but it did not take very long as his agility was not matched by any other humanoid in Middle Earth. Carrying such a large boulder caused no pain, for he felt like it was carrying a rock. Yes, after his duties, he indeed would look into his abilities given by the mysterious goddess. Taking this large boulder into the forests, he set it down and started to make camp.

Legolas made his camp-fire and tore a medium-sized oak tree into half for sitting. The process of writing his lament would take long- even with his abilities. Lighting the fire, he took his spare poker and heated it into the fire. After waiting for a while, he took the hot tip of the poker-a glowing ruddy hue- and started to carve into the boulder. Continuously, he kept in concentration for hours until the craftsmanship was complete on the stone. By the time he was done, the landscape was shrouded in complete darkness-far after twilight. Then, Legolas suffocated the camp-fire with ash and took off for the field with his large boulder.

The place was still empty, and there was no presence of any people-only hungry and curious animals. Legolas carried his large boulder into the beginning of the road where the army lay. He figured the most traffic would come from the west road, and therefore, placed it at the entrance. And, there it lay before his took off into the night, headed for his nemesis:

The cries of Orc are no longer yonder,

Anticipated, I smack my lips to the desire, just waiting a little longer.

The color of deep liquid coal shall drip wild in this night,

Soon to be revealed, they shall know my bite.

It is not the bitterness of their wine that drives me,

I have long forgotten any lingering wants for the sea,

I want to cleanse my soul, and revel in victory.

Only the victims of the eye and hickory shall witness,

the plunge from the jagged boulders is my mark.

.

Indeed, I fly into the masses,

the only warnings of my ambush were of the gurgling and gaspses.

Slashes, Pierces, and Cries had broken the spell of a silent night,

My fangs and growls had roared, and any witness sought to see I, as a twisted light,

My prey's last sight was a flicker of me,

Before I ended their life, as it should have been.

Thousands upon thousands could not catch the guerilla,

For their leaders were struck, and their commands as far as Silla,

Panic was their only comfort before the permanent sleep.

As I took what was mine, more than a simple reap,

After all, the goddess had made it only my right.

.

The next morning, the sky bled, but wept not for the abominations,

Their carcasses littered the wide field, and they could never end the free nations,

My work is complete for the night, and I am, and never will be sorry.

One monster that took down an army.

Yet, I am far over from the resolution of my journey.

* * *

This is my longest chapter in this story. How interesting... Write in the comments if you like longer or shorter chapters, or only read the first chapter and pretend that I have no concept of the english language. Hmm, both are just as satisfying. Muahahaha!


	19. Book 2: Chapter 7

_Author's Note: I decided to make a St. Patrick's Day Special. This scene is set a bit earlier before the last two chapters. Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter 18: St. Patrick's Day 

* * *

Legolas hid under his hood while baking under the intense rays of the sun. The days were growing longer, and he suffered more. Soon, the sun shall lose its strength and eventually be swallowed by the earth; rebirth over and over again. However, before the times of darkness, he would endure the times of light, waiting for the peak at Midsummer. He would make do with what he had. While traveling at night was easier, it was harder to find food. At daylight, he could drink the blood of the animals that roamed the hills. Eventually, he became closer and closer to the main road; eventually Legolas decided to fabricate his new identity as a low-born freeloader. There would be less attention that way.

In his filthy, dusty grey cloak he saw through the thin fabric holes that many people were wearing an obnoxious green shade. Whether it was the bustling merchants in their rich cloaks of forest green or the impoverished farmers that wore leaves from a stocky tree, what Legolas knew was that green pervaded everywhere. He could safely deduce that there must be some festivities nearby. Perhaps, a holiday of some sorts?

_Pinch._

"Argh!" Legolas clamped on his teeth hard. He put his hand on the hilt of his sword-ready to draw-and swished around to face the intruder. How dare _it _invade his personal space?

It was a little boy with a small bony build and raven hair. The child looked to be no more than nine winters old, and haven't seemed to eat a decent meal at least a fortnight. Yet, his impoverishment did not destroy his spirit. He was giggling and point his finger at Legolas.

"Gotcha! You're not wearing any green," The boy chortled. "Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

Legolas blinked. He repressed his aggressive nature and ungritted his teeth. The boy meant little harm, and it seemed that wearing green was part of this new human tradition. He let go of the hilt of his sword and simply nodded at the boy. The child in return had taken something out of his ragged pocket. He pried open Legolas's hand and put it in his hand.

"Lyn!" A woman who resembled the boy called out.

"Well, I must go." The boy muttered before scuttling away to the woman-likely his mother.

Legolas opened his fist to see what the boy gave him. It was a small pin attached to an oak leaf.


	20. Book 2: Chapter 8

_Chapter 19: The Purge_

* * *

He was like a rabid dog. Orc blood stuck to his armor and hair, and the slick substance was a very ugly shade of onyx. Therefore, Legolas decided to halt his hunt to be more respectable. However, finding streams can take a while, especially when one is unfamiliar with the territory. It was odd that an old-soul like Legolas would have forgotten where Rohan was. He dubbed his lack of memory as a consequence of coming back to life; just like his supernatural abilities to drink blood or sprint faster than a sly elf.

He followed the moss on the trees. It has been long since he listened to the whispers of the trees or the laughter of the wild grasses. The world was silent to him, and he felt in many respects, dead. Without the voice of nature guiding him, only the wise hymns of old men could help him keep wits for survival in the wilderness. In many respects, he gained power, but it was not his nature to be absorbed in only using it. He lost a set of eyes; the ones which he did not use well throughout his life, gummed up by beer goggles. Ah, he was living a lie, but now, the life was lying to him. It was a bitter existence, but he gladly accepted the mission from the goddess, because his name was important. If he was to die, he wanted to die with honor. That did not happen next time, but perhaps he could with his second chance.

There, he saw past the patches of wild grasses was a flowing stream. He started to draw closer to the waters, but abruptly decided to stay orcs must have trudged through this terrain and were now terrorizing the local folk.

"Ahhhhhh!" It was a scream of some woman.

The orcs must have trudged through this terrain and were now terrorizing the local folk. He decided to quickly, but sneakily find the source of the scream. If he could help the woman, then he would slay the orcs.

"Please... do not." She was sobbing, " I beg of you!"

He was close enough to the scene, but only a steep hillside blocked him. Legolas found a patch of broken-up boulders and crawled on its surface to get a better view. After reaching his hand to the last stone, he saw a young woman carrying a basket in hand. She shakily held her knife in front of her, attempting to stave off two orcs. The two orcs stared at each other and grinned maliciously. Bringing out their machetes, they went closer to the woman. She drew closer back until her backside hit a tree trunk.

Legolas secured his bow and arrows out. He decided to use two arrows for each orc to bring them down and drew for one.

Snap!

His bow went off and the arrows launched into the backside of one orc. Its countenance betrayed confusion before it gurgled to death in the mud. The maiden was in shock and simply watched the orc's body slump into the ground. The other orc stared at his deceased companion. He brought his machete out more closely and peered around his area to find the origins of the archer. Legolas then brought out one arrow and aimed for the head. Instead, it penetrated the Orc's shoulder, and then he pulled it out. Again, Legolas drew another arrow and instead, it sliced through the chest of the orc. This time, the orc pulled out the arrow, knowing death was coming upon him. There was his own grease on the arrowhead.

"My master has fed me well!" The orc laughed while observing his own innards on the second arrow. Then, he fell face-forward and slumbered forever.

The maiden was still frozen and simply stayed attached to the tree. Her hand was still shaking, and her bone-white knuckles still fisted on the handle of her cutting knife. Legolas came from out of the boulders and shouted from only a couple of feet away from the woman.

"Your welcome. These are dangerous times, please lady, be careful out in these parts!" He spoke in the common tongue in hopes she knew it.

Her eyes snapped to see Legolas's disheveled appearance, but she nodded as a means of replying to his suggestion.

"Do you want me to escort you back to your home?"

"Em-no, no, I will be fine. Th-thank you," she struggled to bring words out of her mouth. She was still in shock.

"Very well. Farewell!" Legolas had stepped away from her sights, but he decided to do a quick search in case there was not a full raid on the maiden's home.

He wondered if there was a village nearby or she was living in some cottage in the grasslands. After walking for some time, he saw it was a village in the distance, but it seems that the orcs were two lonely stragglers. He then decided to return to the stream to clean the orc blood off himself. And, it was best not to disturb the village until he looked less like a monster. But, he would visit the village to confirm that a raid was not to happen. Those two orcs could have been scouts looking for homesteads to pillage.

He would find out soon.


	21. Book 2: Chapter 9

_Author's Note:_ Okay, yes, I will put up another chapter now. It is interesting how people are still reading my dribbles. Thanks! Well, here ya go!

**Chapter 20: The Jovial Flask**

Legolas, after washing in the local river, decided to sleep until darkness fell. His vision and mobility vastly improved under the veil of darkness and this was when the activity of the Orcs would peak. The local village was possibly alright, but it could also be in complete ruins from the Orcs, or even under siege. He needed to find out why these Orcs came to these lands and attempt to gain information on the whereabouts of his nemesis. There were many taverns scattered across the realm, but he needed to target only a few. The village was an answer, and besides, he had an old friend he could meet again.

He woke up and equipped his bow and arrows. His ragged cloak, once of an elvish velvet, had torn away to be merely passable by the standards of Man. He pulled the hood down and hiked through the grassland outskirts, headed for the faint glow of the fire. Torches were set up in the village, or the fire could be from torched buildings.

Legolas, then climbed a large boulder and sat atop to gaze at the settlement. The village was on a platform of rock and grass. It was of a great ingenuity to create an artificial hill to keep unwanted onlookers away such as the orcs. Perhaps, his old friend still breathes and it was also plausible that she still resided there. The settlement was circumscribed by great, thick walls of dirt, stone and old grass. It was as if the village was inside a large pit or trench, which was only permissive to Legolas for seeing just the rooftops and the tips of blazing torches. The last time he came to this village, there were no walls nor torches near the rooftops. Atop the slippery boulder, Legolas saw large hardwood doors placed in the middle of the thick walls. He then leaped off the unstable boulder and proceeded towards the village. He was simply too far away to see any creatures-animals or orcs. He quickened his pace and eventually was at the foot of the hill. He could hear heartbeats. This settlement was not sullied by Sauron's minions, yet. Legolas felt relieved. There were two heartbeats, one behind the door, and another watching the surrounds. Legolas casually walked along the dirt path and then got to his destination at the front of big Aspen wood doors. They were rough, with the bark still lying at its surface, tough like the people of these lands. He knocked hard.

A latch opened and a face of a stern old man appeared. He eyed Legolas's cloaked form with a wary gaze. The man spoke with an odd Westeros accent and looked like he could have better days as evidenced by a bristled, speckled beard as well as muddy brown eyes framed with wrinkles.

"Good evening lad, what ye doin' at this time of the night?"

"I wish to stay here for the night," Legolas's voice was scratched from not enough use. He left the main roads some time ago and isolation can do harm to the voice.

"How do I know ye aren't one of those orc-sympers trying to barge into my town?" His wrinkled eyes squinted at the veiled face. The old man was holding a lantern and rose it higher, trying to see into the hood.

"You don't," Legolas's visible lower-face enveloped into a haughty smirk.

"Bahaha!" The old man let out a hearty laugh. "Good one, lad. I 'spose your'nt that bad." The man shut the wooden latch and the double-doors opened. The man appeared in front of Legolas, only this time, he could see that the old man was of a stocky build and in common clothing.

"Well?" The man moved aside, as a form of welcome. Legolas then walked through the entrance. "You walk as 'em elf-folk. Have any of 'em blood through yer veins?" He chuckled.

"As my family story goes.." Legolas left it as it is. The less the man knew the better. "Shall I ask, where is the nearest inn?"

"New to these parts?" Legolas nodded,"In the mid of town we got the "Jovial Flask. Take three lefts and one right."

"Thank you." Legolas nodded and head straight into town.

In the center of town, there was a well and a large establishment with a graphical sign showing a stein of beer. He opened the old door and ventured within. There was a bell that rang. He walked up to the nearest counter and saw a curly, raven-haired woman talking with another customer. He could not see her face. Then, she turned around and he remembered. When she came up to his cloaked persona, he lifted off the hood.

"Sevallan?" The peredhel looked at Legolas in disbelief.

"Legolas? What are you doing here?" Her honey-brown eyes smiled. "It has been some time since we last met, _friend_."

"Indeed," Legolas replied.

"Do you like my establishment?" She gestured with her arms, hinting at the entirety of the inn.

"All yours? You have finally reached for your dream, I see," remarked Legolas. Savallan chuckled.

"I feel rude, do you need a room?" She went for a key.

"Yes, lady."

"You don't have to flatter yourself," she rolled her eyes. "For the sake of an old friend, it's on the house for the first night, and the room is the third one on the right side of the hall."

"What a gracious offer, thank you very much," Legolas took the key. "We shall talk in the morning, yes?"

"Indeed, I must know why my friend has traveled so far and wide recently."

Legolas nodded his head and proceeded to the room for stay. In the past, he drank for a long while because of his sleep. Nightmares plagued his mind, and this was the first night he was visited by such frightening memories since the first time he discovered dwarven wine.

_"Legolas, run!" His mother screamed. An orc stabbed her in the gut and he saw flaxen hair fall to the forest floor._

_"Mother!"_

* * *

*orc-sympers: orc sympathizers; traitors who work with the orcs.


	22. Book 2: Chapter 10

_Author's Note: It's been far too long, and I itched to write a chapter for a while. It's just, far, far too fun to type away and play God with your _laptop-no_ matter how crappy your instructions are to control all the minions._

**Chapter 21: Cold Umber**

Legolas woke up in a sweat. What was he, twenty? He had a nightmare fit for a puny elfing and yet it shook him. Oh, poor mommy, she's dead now. She's been dead for thousands of years. Any man would've laughed their heads off. Mommy issues, bah. The Dwarven wine was his only fix, and now he can't get drunk. Stupid goddess with her shiny headband and stupid, stupid, teleportation and necromancy powers.

Oh right, Eomer. That was his job. What was that oaf up to these days?

Legolas got out of bed, dressed, went to the front to say hello to Savallan. They had a thing together some time ago, but then she randomly broke it off one day and changed her body language from: '"Give it to me," to "Don't touch me, we're over." What did he do? Nothing, he swore, right? Legolas wracked up his old drunk memories and tried to remember what the beer goggles made him forget. Nothing. Savallan has certainly changed since her last encounter with him, and it befuddled him. He was confused and he felt there was something else out there, but he couldn't figure out what would make Savallan changed her honey-brown eyes to an icy umber-until recently, of course.

He went up to the tables and sat down. Got a smoking pipe for half a pence like his old friend would. Gandalf. Right, that old crook was dead now, so now he heard these days. It wasn't right. Legolas smoked a bit more to ease off his sudden feeling and to distract himself again from _those_ thoughts.

"Everything all right here?"

Legolas turned and saw it was Savallan. He had his pipe all fired up to hide his eyes.

"Yes. Do you want a smoke?"

She looked around hesitantly, but it was clear that the morning was slow for her business. "Absolutely," she shrugged and sat down while Legolas handed her a pipe.

"Last I saw you, you were in Minas Tirith. How did you end up here?" Legolas asked.

"I could say the same for yourself. A mighty prince of the oak ending up here of all places."

"Traveling. Business, the usual stuff," Legolas took another whiff.

Savallan breathed in a deep one. "Settled down. Inn came after that."

"Interesting, Savllan, free spirit of Minas Tirith settles dow-"

"Oh, shut your trap." Savallan taunted.

'Who's the lucky man?" Legolas insisted.

"Oh, no one."

"You said you settled down."

"With no man nor elf to be my wed, but only a bairn." Savallan looked away.

Legolas cleared his throat. "May I ask who is the father of your child?"

Savallan stared into his eyes and paled. "It's..oh I am afraid to say."

Legolas frowned in confusion. "If it must be a very well kept secret, then keep it a secret." The father must be someone very important, and it was very peculiar that Savallan named her child with an elvish name. If the child had silver-blond hair… Legolas stopped that thought."Where is the child?"

"Therawyn's away at the kitchen. I have to run errands. If you want breakfast or ale, it's about a pence per mug and an extra for a square meal." Savallan twitched her fingers and handed Legolas back the pipe. She then headed straight for the kitchen.

"Strange woman," Legolas muttered.

He put out his pipe and headed back to his room at the inn to pack his things. It was clear that he would move on by nightfall. Draping himself in his thick cloak, he grabbed his things and headed out of the inn after tipping the cup at the entrance. Before he left, he thought, he would learn about the mysterious orc problem in this little settlement, and also, meet this Therawyn.

Legolas huddled his equipment closer while he left the town to go hunting. He couldn't hold in his thirst anymore, ignoring the stinging sensation from the sun's unforgiving rays. Upon an enclave not so far away, he killed a hare and drank its blood. The crimson rushed back to his face and his pitless eyes highlighted with only a gleam of cobalt. Blood was his only means of survival, and no longer could he enjoy an earthly meal or another glass of wine. It tasted all like mud. After munching on his rabbit, he skinned the cretin and decided to make it as a patch for his worn clothes.

Curiously, he smelled smoke and blood. He was careful to glide through the endless waves of flaxen grass and came upon a cave with a light source within. On the outside of the cave entrance was some orc pissing. Legolas waited for the Orc to finish with his business before striking him with an arrow. That's bro code, when one bro does not kill another bro while one is taking a piss- even if this bro was an automaton made out of dead elf carcasses and lots of evil mud. The orc failed to see the arrow notched towards him from the distance before it struck right into his heart. Legolas rarely misses a still shot. Legolas stealthed his way to the sides of the cave entrance to get a peek in. He saw a small horde of orcs inside the cave, polishing their iron battleaxes and fighting over scraps.

He heard footprints and realized his mistake.

"Ilid! Ilid!"

Before Legolas could turn, he felt a sharp pain dig into his stomach before the lights went out.


	23. Book 2: Chapter 11

**Chapter 22: A Knifey Situation**

Drip. Drip. Drip. Legolas groaned and realized the sound came from some water source.

He felt his arms and legs were twisted and were in an uncomfortable position for some odd reason. Trying to ignore his headache, he went to move his legs and arms, but turns out he was pinned to something. Opening his eyes, he realized that he barely could see anything. Rock and dust were overbearing his lungs and he coughed to clear it. It was clear that he was on some kind of cave floor, pinned to a boulder of some kind of taste of rock dust due to his face lying face-forward into the gravel. How did he get in this situation again?

Oh right, when that orc showed up out of the blue and knifed him. Of course, due to his mysterious powers, he did not die. Looks like the orcs called dead on him, threw him over in some part of the cave, and walked away. Figures. Legolas once again moved his limbs with more force, but was stuck.

Well, looks like he's not going away for a while, even though his stuff was taken away. Legolas wailed his restrained arms in frustration to get out, but it was no use.

"Hmm, fitting, I die in a ditch, or if my immortality is not dependant on blood, I will stay here for eternity. Fun. And of course, there goes my stuff."


	24. Book 2: Chapter 12

**Chapter 23: Beady Eyes**

Legolas was pinned to the boulder and could not move. It had been several days, or so as Legolas lost track, and he felt himself grow ever so weaker. If he was an elf, he would have been already at the Halls of Mandos. But he was not, stuck in this cave waiting for _something_ to happen.

While laying on the gravel, Legolas waited to die. But, it never came. Instead, a cave rat scurried to where he was and plopped right down next to him to sleep. It taunted him that the cave rat was free, and he wasn't. It infuriated him. He was starving for blood and the rat was there, but out of reach. He couldn't grab the furry creature and gather enough strength to get out of the ditch. He ended up staring at the rat while waiting for the creature to move just close enough, just enough where could get his free hand and snatch it. However to the present, the rat was smart enough scuttle away for food and then come back to where Legolas was, just for taunting. His ticket to freedom was there, but not for him it seemed.

The ground started to shake. The boulder that imprisoned his being had moved just enough to let him free. The rat squeaked as the earth rattled and rocks started to fall off the cavern walls and into the enclave. Legolas tried to stand, but his frailty gave out and he fell back down. He crawled to the sounds of the rat and saw its beady eyes. Through the outline of its fur, he saw that through the stroke of luck, it too, was imprisoned just like him. Just then, the earth stilled and Legolas felt control come back to him.

He crawled to the rat, and swiftly broke its head off. Legolas drained the blood out of the infernal creature, and felt more alive than he had in days. Remembering where the orcs were, he headed for the cavern wall from where he was thrown. He climbed the wall and just lied on the outcrop of land, out of the ditch, free.

Now, he needed to see if the orcs were obtuse enough to not leave and see if he could get his equipment back.

They needed to pay.


	25. Book 2: Chapter 13

**Chapter 23: Filler**

Still lying there.


	26. Book 2: Chapter 14

**Chapter 24: That Rusty Dagger**

He got up and limped towards the source of light. Once he got to the source, he saw it was some kind of encampment for orcs. The orcs were really dumb then. Legolas found an old dagger nearby the lair and proceeded to hide. He got ready to ambush the orcs and take them out one by one, guerrilla style.

He heard faint sounds of the black tongue coming closer to the lair, and it turns out behind a sectioned off area of crates, an orc was sleeping off some rum as well. He waited for the orcs to get close enough and to see if he could gut the sleeping orc. The sleeping orc woke up, his appendage touching his head: showing the universal sign of a hangover. The two other orcs started to shout at the delirious orc and one stabbed him. The orc fell dead and the other orcs went their merry way out of the lair.

Legolas thought that was odd. He decided to wait for an additional hour in case there were more developments, even though he was ruthlessly hungry and becoming bored even more quickly. He was starting to even crave for orc blood-a disgusting idea.

About some time later, a pretty girl of mixed elvish and man heritage was thrown into the lair. She was bounded by the orcs against a cavern wall with her mouth covered and tried to protest against her capture. One orc stayed behind and the other left. It seemed there were only two orcs left and the girl. The orc got really close and Legolas decided that he did not want to witness what happened next, and stealthed his way to the backside of the orc.

"Urggh!" Legolas plunged the dagger into the orc's backside and he twisted the neck of the creature until it snapped. Then, he let go and the corpse fell with a thud.

The girl's eyes were widened and she was terrified of Legolas. He wasn't surprised: he looked like what he was, a monster. Legolas found a battleaxe on the orc and then went for the other orc. He crept to the entrance of the cave, leaving the girl behind for now, and went to kill the other bastard.

There was the sucker, pissing on the prairie. Screw bro code, Legolas thought, and he plunged the dagger into the other orc while it was taking a piss. The orc jolted and became paralyzed due to the dagger cutting into the spine.

"Garrrrr! Thauk izub! Orskuzat!" Like the last of the orc's companion, he broke its neck too. Then, Legolas went back inside to ransack the cavern. Soon, other orcs would come and he didn't know when.

And from there, he re-entered the cave and from there, to confront the silver-haired bound maiden and to find his old equipment.


	27. Book 2: Chapter 15

**Chapter 25: Acquaintance**

He entered the cave and there she was. She was fighting against her constraints trying to get free. Legolas came up to her and removed the bind on her face, allowing her to speak.

"Who are you?" Legolas spoke in the common tongue.

"Th-My name is Therawyn," her hazel eyes were wide and unyielding.

"Daughter of the Jovial Flask's innkeeper?" Legolas cut down the restraints on the frightened girl and inquired, "How did you get captured?"

"The entire village. It was ransacked. The orcs found me when burning the village down and took me, presumably..." Her eyes flickered away from Legolas's face.

"Were there any survivors?"

"I-I don't think so." She looked back at Legolas with an indifferent expression, "and who are you?"

"I am Legolas. I was a friend of your mother." Legolas sighed, reflecting on the news of Savallan's death and then quickly snapped back to reality. He did not notice Therawyn's recognition of his own name or its relevance to the girl. "I am going to search for my equipment. I would advise looking for some yourself. My end destination is for Edoras and you are welcome to accompany me. The roads aren't safe anymore, as I am sure you know."

"Thank you, Legolas," and that was all Therawyn could say.

Legolas found his equipment mostly intact. He threw on his cloak, slung on his bow, and readied his sack. He turned his head and noticed that Therawyn had gathered a war-axe, some splintered armor, and a knife. It seemed odd to him that not once had she mentioned his red eyes while he mauled the orcs. Perhaps she thought she imagined the scene?

"It's getting too dark to travel. I'm going to go hunting and we can stay here for the night."

Legolas went away from the cave and broke into an inhuman sprint looking for wildlife. In the distance, he noticed the smoky ruins of the village where Therawyn hailed.

He drained three rabbits and brought back three for Therawyn, and also killed two birds from which he also would gift to Therawyn as well. He figured she would eventually find out that what she saw back in the caverns was no figment of the imagination, but reality. He was a monster, but he wouldn't dare hurt the innocent as he long as he had control over his bloodlust, so far. Back at the cave, he restrained himself from ripping the girl's head off and drinking right then and there.

When he came back to the cave, he noticed that the girl kept the fire going.

"I came back with bearing gifts." He stood at the foot of the cave, with a very barbarian-like demeanor. Legolas strung together the various meats before, and simply handed them to Therawyn.

"Oh, thank you. I'll immediately cook them," Therawyn had nodded and went to the fire with the rabbits and birds.

She skinned the rabbits and plucked the birds, then from it, she skewered the lean meat over the fire pit so that it would cook to a golden brown. Legolas was sharpening his blades and making new arrows from feathers he gathered from the freshly plucked birds.

The sun had disappeared into the savannah and the moon had arisen in its place. Crickets had woken from their slumber and happily chirped in the night while the stars were twinkling, mourning for the loss of many lives that the sun had witnessed before.

"How did you know my mother?" Therawyn was turning the spoke and did not look up at Legolas while asking.

"I was- It is a very long story," Legolas stopped making the arrows.

"I'm not going anywhere," Therawyn chuckled.

Legolas told Therawyn how he met Savallan-omitting several details and changing the story just enough to satiate the daughter.


	28. Book 2: Chapter 16

Chapter 26: A Jovial Flashback

"I had a pint of Brandywine in one hand and a pint of Dwarven Beer in the other when I met your mother," Legolas feverishly announced and Therawyn raised an eyebrow in exclamation. "I visited a nearby town to keep up the security as the orcs were raiding. Your mother was on the road from a sacked village and was the only survivor."

"This… I know," Therawyn nodded, "Mostly."

"She went into the local inn and waited out the time. I was there and we talked. Eventually, she would be joining the guards, mainly for protection, and your mother and I became close friends. I don't remember what happened, but eventually she left," Legolas looked away and poked at the fire.

"My mother never told me anything so thank you. All I know is that she went into town and gave birth to me. I don't even know who my father is," Therawyn sighed.

"She said that he was important and well-known," Therawyn processed this information. "It's best to get sleep now. Tomorrow, we set for Edoras."


	29. Book 2: Chapter 17

Chapter 27: Shroomy

Therawyn and Legolas set off to Edoras the next day. However, fate was not on the side of these two ragged travelers.

One of course, was a vampire, except if someone were to whisper that word into Legolas's ear, or shout it from a 5 mile radius-pick your poison-the vampire wouldn't know of the word vampire. So, fate indeed, when the first vampire doesn't know who he is. Only, slowly learning, what he is, hopefully without destroying the world in the process. That damn goddess had a stick up her ass, and so did the vampire, ex-elf wannabe who just, couldn't get drunk ever again. It was hard, as an elf, but on top the the race change, he couldn't get hammered at all. Zilch. Except for blood, it made him high. But, that's not the same thing as being hammered. You see, being on a depressant was way, way different than being on hallucinogens. They were both great and horrible in their own ways. Except, Legolas depended on that hallucinogen for survival. Apparently, he wouldn't brush his hair for days when he ate too much orc. He pretended he was sane, but was he really?

The other ragged traveler, the she-elf, as the orcs like to point out, had a secret. Well, she wasn't really a full-blooded elf. She could've fooled everyone, but in reality, she was only 5/8 elfling, as the story goes. Who knows who her father was, because her mother wouldn't tell her. Really, mom? Thanks. And now her mother was dead too. Oh, forgot, everyone was dead too. Except for the idiot who couldn't brush his hair and acted like he took too many shrooms every night. Come on, at least share the shrooms!

Why did she agree to go along with him? Oh that's right. Everyone is dead, except for mommy's estranged long-ago bestie who took too many shrooms and seemed to be part something. Why did his eyes flash red when he became hungry? She knew that he did something during the hunt, shrooms made people plain weird.

Well, off to Edoras and then she can forget about him.

Only one problem, from what her dead mommy told her about her father, Legolas matches that description to a T. No, no, no, no. That can't be her father. He's too…. shroomy!

After another night where the weird elf was hunting, she facepalmed herself to snap out of it. After all, she needed to collect some cash before ditching this weirdo.

Survival, she huffed, it's hard.


	30. Book 2: Chapter 18

Chapter 28: The Golden Throne

Éomer, the third Marshal of the Riddermark, was banished from his homeland. Or perhaps, those were the rumors circulating in Edoras. The truth of the matter was that it was himself that spread those rumors, not the old cranky elderly ladies in the market. Why, for it would perhaps had ruined his reputation? Éomer had to gain pathos from his neighbors, the Rohirrim folk. Théoden was despised by many, especially after Gríma sneaked his shriveled wormtongue into the business of the king as an advisor. It was a foggy morning when the King was struck with an illness. Théoden had changed that morning, as if he was standing in front of the great abomination, Sauron himself, a millennia before. His pale eyes looked towards the distance and he never left his bed. As the day went by, the townsfolk heard about the King. He hadn't drunk his ale, not even with the finest crafted from the sharp-pointed ear folk in front of him. He did not eat, nor did he speak. Only, staring at the window, in the distance, muttering and singing to himself utter incoherent nonsense.

The folk started to talk. Whispers were rampant in the markets and the folk felt the nervous aura from the guards and noblemen. Something must be done after all, needing a King who would do more than stare past his window in a stuffy bedchamber.

"Did you hear about him? Oh dear, the other kingdoms mustn't hear about it.."

"The King, oh my, it is a great predicament that one so strong and willful, had broke just this morn'."

"Who will take the place of our great King? He isn't fit for it, no, no..."

Éomer came to his uncle's bedchamber that very afternoon to see if those rumors were true after all. He sped on with this trusty stead and roamed through the bustling streets of Edoras, up to the top and entered the decaying castle. With the sweat of his brow, he shuffled into the room and saw, what the others had seen.

"Tis... tis... I miss these, where is she? I cannot find her, nor can the mountains. All is lost and found all at once, and not at all..." the King rambled incoherently.

"Uncle!" Éomer stormed into the bedchamber.

"Kill him! Traitor! Oh, what is a traitor? Tis the blue streams of Riverrun, or perhaps the rye fields during Midsummer? Tis not a traitor, nor is a traito-"

"He speaks nonsense! We must seek help," Éomer turned towards Éowyn, who had entered the room after hearing about her brother's sudden retun from the Riddermark.

"Every healer of Edoras has already tried to cure him," Éowyn stared at her uncle in great sympathy and sadness. She had a bucket in her hand for which she placed on the King's nightstand, and used a rag to cool his head. "There is only one other, that might be able to help our dear Uncle. He shall arrive at dusk, as so I have heard from the guards."

"Who is this healer?" Éomer had furrowed his brow.

"He is a follower of Saruman, though they call him Worm," she grimaced.

"Worm, a man named Worm, can help our Uncle. Is he a healer?"

"I do not know. I have only heard so."

"Well, we shall hope that this.. Worm, can help erase the affliction from our Uncle," Éomer placed a hand on her shoulder, to comfort Éowyn.

"I hope so. I just cannot bear to see him, like this.. it is terrible!" Éowyn started to tear up, though Éomer saw she tried to hide her sorrow. His face was downcast, sharing the burden of grief.

"Come now, we can only wait," they both had walked out of the bedchamber, brother and sister, to be away from the reminder of the worst.


	31. Book 2: Chapter 19

**Chapter 29: The Golden Throne II**

The next morning, Wormtongue had shriveled out of under his rock and had stormed into the streets of Edoras, shrilling at the top of his lungs.

"THE GREATEST PEOPLE OF ROHAN AND OF THE KINGDOMS, I SHALL SAVE YOUR KING. MOVE ASIDE YOU PEASANT SCUM! SHOO!"

He shooed the people aside as he hysterically ran through the streets. He didn't have a horse to save funds, and instead ran up the hill with his remedies and sundries on his back. It was quite comical, as he went up to the Nobles' courtyards and eventually to the throne, as his pack jiggled and bottles clanged in different notes. The pale and scrawny man had eventually made it, laughing hysterically. No one else, not even the guards, could figure out what was so funny.

When he made it to the Golden Throne, he was greeted by many guards and no King. The King was still in his room, muttering the most scandalous and outrageous things that repulsed even the most strong-willed of maids and servants. Éomer was back to pretending he was banished by the King and it especially worked now since the King lost too many screws in the head-so to speak. Éowyn at the time was practicing her sword skills, especially since Théodred had gone to battle since the rise of the orc hordes. Éowyn needed to defend her uncle, especially in his vulnerable state.

"Well met, guards. Where is the King? The lovely maid, the lovely-" Wormtongue rambled.

"I am here," Éowyn stormed into the throne room, barely had time to change into more appropriate clothes. The news of Wormtongue's arrival was so sudden.

"Why hello, beauti-"

"Are you the one that they call Worm?" Éowyn did not want him to finish that sentence.

Gríma grimaced, " No, that is what some call me, but only out of contempt. My true name is Gríma Wormtongue, at your service," he did an impromptu bow while he sniggered.

"Gríma Wormtongue," the unfamiliar words rolled off of her tongue, "I have heard many things about you. Is it true that you can cure the King of his malady?"

"Oh yes, I can do anything, great lady. I am the expert after all. I can do anything." Wormtongue coldly chuckled.

Ignoring his tone, Éowyn spoke, "Well then. The guards shall escort you to your room and then you shall come and see to the King."

"Thank you, fair lady. And I shall so.."

Gríma Wormtongue licked his lips and looked up and down at the lady while sneering. This made Éowyn very uncomfortable. She gave him a puzzled look, trying to figure out his game. She would watch him, this Worm, this Gríma Wormtongue, she thought.

"Farewell," Éowyn left, not wanting to continue the conversation.

Gríma Wormtongue's smirk only grew until she left.

"Guards, do you have any of the finest wine by any chance?"


	32. Book 2: Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The Golden Throne III

It was the next morning when the King was doing more than ramble and stare out at the creaky window. Old Maid Roenna was first up to serve the King his breakfast-which he never ate since the affliction. Though, Roenna never gave up and had high hopes that the King would come out from the storm and would rise from his bedchamber to attend to his Kingly duties, even when the others had lost hope already. Amidst the atypical behavior he was exhibiting to the castle servants and of his wards, he also was stricken with a cough.

"Jaundice, I tell yeah! The song of mountains is to come upon you. Beware of the walking grass before it shall-" The King coughed.

Then, he coughed again. Then he coughed even more, and the more he coughed, the more the cycle continued. From the fiftieth cough, he also had scarfed up blood on his sheets. Roenna had immediately came to his side, then ran out to find help for not knowing of what to do, and how to stop him from coughing up the blood. She had came back, to coax the King to relax and hope for the best.

The guards immediately stormed into Wormtongue's room and gave him a minute warning. They didn't say what, but due to their insistance and threat, Wormtongue immediately sprang out from his unrestful slumber-he could never be restful after all since the event-and he grabbed his bobbles and packed them quickly in the big container. Then he grabbed the medicines and was escorted very quickly to the King's bedchamber.

Wormtongue was thrown into the room from the guards and panic ensued. He fiddled with his bottles, unsure of how to present the snakeskin oil concoctions without being obvious. He put together three bottles of placebo and placed it in a cup and forced the King to drink it. While he served the King, he kicked at the Palantír under the King's bed and removed it out of view.

The King stopped coughing.

"Uncle!" Eowyn had ran up to her uncle and placed a hand on his cheek. She turned her attention to Wormtongue and looked straight into his eyes, "Thank you."

Wormtongue felt no remorse for serving his master, after all. He nodded in acceptance of her gratitude and then went back to his room, back to his scheming.


End file.
